it is getting more and more obvious to me that the creative practice is personal, an immensely personal thing. to start, to keep going.
it's one of those things onest must feel before one can know what that means.
it's a bit lonely at the moment, for me. it doesn't have to be because it's actually a conversation with oneself, isn't it, the creative practice. but right now it feels like it's a one-sided-conversation.
maybe i do need some sort of community, but i don't really seem to like people. i like some people, but most online communities, the ones i've found so far, seem too crowded, & a bit frivolous. i don't know; i might be too serious a person.
last week i received luisa's latest newsletter, i think i've mentioned her before but i might have deleted that particular blogpost -- i love her newsletters, they're always filled with inspiration and honesty. one of the things she shared this time was a new podcast, it's called studio notes & it's brilliant. like luisa, “i devoured it”. sasha dewitt is the maker, and her guests mostly talk about the doing, the making, when lots of other podcasts are too occupied by the business-side of being an artist --
anyway, all those artists speaking about sharing made me think that maybe community is what i need.
i, however, don't know what that means to me. nothing, actually, honestly, at the moment.
something to explore.
i did sign up for luisa's patreon again, so maybe that is a start.
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so. what i've been doing lately... i moved into a tiny new home, there's so much light & when i look out there's so much space. so much sky. i've been drawing clouds, mostly. i just sit down on the floor near the tuindeuren, the big window-y doors that lead to a porch that is not yet there, someday soon.
(oh and a pond filled with very loud ducks. have you ever seen anything as happy as a duck in its element? they're so sweet.)
and i sit down. a big sketchbook in front of me, some neocolors close-by, and i just draw the lines i see. they're blind, the drawings. blind linedrawings. they might not even be drawings, maybe they're more like sketches.
i've filled quite some pages in the big sketchbook; last weekend i made a few tiny sketchbooks with a sheet of paper (A3) and filled those with some sky.i call them the tiny books of sky:
i also started drawing in my hahnemuehle grey book; i also have a cappuccino book but i'm not sure they're right for skies.
i might just have figured out what to do next.
i actually felt entirely lost when i started writing this blogpost; i've been doing these cloud sketches, but, as i told a friend earlier today, i felt like i was just wandering around in the dark. didn't know what to do. but, well, virginia woolf knew best: “The future is dark, which is the best thing the future can be, I think”.
but i think i now have a plan of what i'm going to do, relating to the cloud/ sky line drawings. (i'm not good with plans so who knows how this will turn out..)
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since i loathe planning and all that stuff that is connected to it (i honestly can't come up with words that are related to planning), i'm not going to say anything about this new year (well, not so new anymore) except that i'm going to try to be a better, more regular blogger. i'm also going to put some older posts back on the blog; my creative practice/ process is a messy one & i often feel shame surrounding all my ups and downs, and the blogs i make during these episodes.
but they're important, if only to be able to look back at things later & maybe suddenly understand something; the tiniest things can be so illuminating, sometimes.
i'm going to try to be a better, more regular, more honest blogger.
i'll be seeing you.
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